REV JOHN: Random Thoughts for 5/18

Tuesday night I found myself drinking a beer, wearing camouflage shorts and a dirty wifebeater, flipping between the country music awards and the Republican presidential debate. And I said to myself, "Self, so this is what Jeff Foxworthy is always talking aboot." It would've been even funnier if the 42" Plasmatron 3000 was on top of a 60" TV that didn't work. I'm not really a Foxworthy fan, and Bill Engvall couldn't be less funny if he actually tried to be less funny. I am however a Larry the Cable Guy fan and Ron White is my favourite comedian period, so...I don't even know what my point was.

Random Fact That I Learned This Week Number One: Apparently for every thirty-five pounds a man loses, he gains an inch of penis. I don't know what the science behind it is, but my friend Patia told me so and she's, like, mad smart.

Speaking of the debate, we'll be discussing it in detail this Sunday, but let me just say that it was much better than the last one, all the guys I like had a good night, and it's aboot time we saw some action. Had this been Japanese Parliament, Rudy Giuliani would have run over and punched Ron Paul in the nuts, and that would have been awesome. When John McCain "clapped back" to Mitt Romney, you knew in his head he wanted to end by saying, "Bitch." If all these cats want to be my President, I want to see the fire in their eyes. Now lets see if the D's follow suit and stop kissing Hillary Clinton's ass.

When it comes crashing down and it hurts inside, you gotta take a stand. It don't help to hide. You hurt my friends and you hurt my pride. I gotta be a man. I can't let it slide. I am a real American. Fight for the rights of every man. I am a real American Fight for what's right. Fight for your life!

I watched the Mitt Romney interview on 60 Minutes. There's was a lot of ballyhoo about how Mike Wallace asked him if he ever had pre-marital sex, and like with most things, it got blown way out of proportion. He asked in jest, Romney laughed it off, and they moved on to other questions. It took up all of five seconds of a fifteen minute interview, yet it got portrayed as if Wallace was grilling him on his sex life and Romney was ready to storm off. People really need to get a sense of humour.

Relative to the media, I've checking out some of the "watchdog sites" for yucks (both liberal and conservative, because I actually do try and stay fair and balanced). And while I understand there is a lot of biased reporting (though I think we need to defer between news, "news," and the infotainment on the cable networks), there also seems to be a lot of "I don't like the way you worded that question, therefore you are biased against my ideology." I find it fascinating that someone like Tim Russert can be both biased against liberals AND biased against conservatives at the exact same time...and in some cases during the course of the same interview.

Random Fact That I Learned This Week Number Two: You womens wanna listen closely to this one. Apparently drinking scotch whiskey helps relieve menstrual cramps. I can't reveal who told me this, except to say that they are in fact the smartest person I know, and they were quoting a girlie doctor friend of theirs. Yeah, yesterday was a weird week.