5/2: RandomThoughts w/ Rev. John

I get up at an ungodly hour in the morning to go to the gym, and while I have the TV on I'll still catch some of the infomercials for "Girls Gone Wild." After years of watching these commercials with black bars over all the fun parts, I downloaded on to see what all of the ballyhoo was aboot. As far as I can tell it's nothing but a bunch of drunk girls, marginally attractive at best, licking on each other and touching themselves. And while there's nothing wrong with that (and dare I say, it should be encouraged), it's hardly worth $19.95.

I don't know what's worse - my friend calling to say how he's a slave to fast food commercials, or the fact that I knew he was going to Arby's for the 5 for $5.49 (which we re-titled the "Pick Five You Fat Fuck") because I saw the same commercial last night and was wondering if there was an Arby's in the area? He commented that he's been sliding off his diet. I say if you're ordering five things off of a fast food menu, there's no diet to speak of.

I'm all for calling public figures on hypocrisy when it comes to saving the Earth and global warming (along the "do as I say, not as I do" tip), but let's keep some perspective. There's a world of difference between G.Q. Smoothe or MC $tereoType using private airplanes for frivolous uses...and a PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN needing one to transport a staff of hundreds. All the douchebag radio shows are criticizing the Dem candidates because they didn't carpool to the debate. Imagine what they would be saying if Hillary Clinton missed it altogether because Jet Blue cancelled all flights out of JFK? And if even if it was "frivolous," that's not an excuse to leave all the lights on in the house or ask them to double bag your laundry detergent when it has a handle on it.

I'm still waiting for a good day. I think I've held this long enough. I think it's safe to tell you some things. It's not just what you say to people and it's not the way you look at me. It's the way you present yourself for all your worst critics to see. And it feels like I'm at an all-time low, slightly bruised and broken from our head on collision.

Why can't I believe in equality for women, yet still think that Hillary Clinton couldn't be anymore transparent if she were invisible? I watched the debates this week and when she bought up her and "Bill" going to Columbine you could almost hear her saying to herself, "Dramatic pause, try and look upset." If you want to call me biased, that's fine. I know when I appear on the Sunday morning shows, it won't be with a (D) next to my name. But at least with Barrack Obama or John Edwards I get the sense that they have a vision for America. With Hillary Clinton, I think she just wants to be President.

If there's one thing I miss aboot working in the mall, it's that first day in Spring where the weather is just warm enough for all the girls to decide it's time to take out the clothes that shows off the goods. It's like they have a hotline that tells them "Ok girls, it's sunny out. It's time for everyone to start showing off the goods." And oy vey, do they show off the goods! They hit the malls and the beaches in the shorty shorts and the tops that make you say, "huh huh...boobs." God bless America.

It amuses me when I hear all the D's running for President saying something to the effect of, if they new then what they no now, they wouldn't have voted for the war. The reason I find this funny is because all the Democrats I know (friends, family, etc.) to a person all seemed to know then what they still know now. And while I'm not one for arm-chair quarterbacking (especially when my brothers and sisters are out risking their lives and I'm just blogging in the basement), I find it curious that a general manager from Hooters seemed to have a better grasp of the world than a senator on the Armed Services Committee.