On Friendship

Our friend Mark has flown the coup for the weekend, so this guest post has been paid for by John Brodigan for a Better America. I figured I'd take a break from politics with something I wrote back in July. And no, the food fight never broke out...

"I want to be a comfort to my friends in tragedy. And I want to be able to celebrate with them in triumph. And for all the times in between, I just want to be able to look them in the eye." - Josh Lyman, The West Wing

I've been talking to this cat I used to run with back in the day. We had a falling out over whatever whatever, and hadn't spoken for a couple of years. I'm not sure if I was angry until recently or stopped being angry and never really thought aboot it, but the bottom line is that we we're cool now. We're both man enough to admit where mistakes were made, and are just making up for lost time. I made a crack about his people only moving to Miami when they retire, he gave me shit for ordering a salad...all was right in the world.

Anyways, we were talking recently and he told me about this girl he had met. He had mentioned her aboot a month ago as having "the one potential." The next time we spoke (two days ago), she was researching wedding halls. I barely had time to finish choking on my pie before he went on the defensive. He's marrying a girl he only met a month ago, so I'm sure you can imagine most people's reactions, and imagine what he was getting defensive about. I just asked him the same yes or no question I ask all my friends:

"Are you happy?"
"Yes."
"That's all you ever need to explain to me."

If there's one thing I've learned in my *sigh* thirty years on this planet (and something I wish I had learned sooner), it's that people are going to do what they're going to do. Nine out of ten friends will always tell you how you're making a mistake and how what you're doing is wrong. We've all at some point been lectured by friends on how were supposed to think and live our lives. It sucks. The last thing you want to hear when you're excited about something, or are going through personal problems, is criticism and lectures from people who you consider friends. Sometimes you question if they care about you more than they care that you're listening to them.

And if we're being honest, I'm just as guilty as anyone else. That's just an unfortunate side effect of human nature. But I've come to realize the best I could do is to be that one friend who is there to simply have their back and look them in the eye. Listening over lectures. Comedy instead of criticism. If my opinion is asked for, I'll give it honestly, and only give it once. Otherwise, right or wrong, people need to be free to live their own life. All I can do is let them.

If my friends are right, I'll be the first there to celebrate. If they're wrong, I'm the first there to help them back up. No "I told you so." No questions asked. No explanations needed.

I don't know where I'm going with this (which I seem to say a lot). I guess at the end of the day I'm just hoping a food fight doesn't break out at the Outback.

Though throwing pies at each other has been a great running gag through the years...