Dumb and Dumber, Fox Style

This has been a long time coming. For months now I’ve complained to my politically minded friends that I thought Fox News’ debate show “Hannity and Colmes” was to political debate what MTV was to new and interesting music. I hadn’t written about it until now because frankly, the show is so bad that I didn’t think it deserved the time or the effort. However, if I’m going spend my nights yelling at the television like one might do during a sporting event, then I at least owe my neighbors an explanation.

First some history; there once was a time before the Iraq war when I felt that a full-scale invasion was not wisest course of action. I was of the opinion that Hussein should be removed from the seat of power but a more subtle means should be employed. To friends and peers I suggest a coup or even assassination. My politics at the time were very green as I was pro-environment in the sense that I believed business were obliged to use the least dirty methods of production. I was and am to this day pro-drug legalization so long as it is regulated by the medical industry as it was over a hundred years ago. I was also vehemently anti-censorship and an ardent student of former punk rocker and green political activist, Jello Biafra. I was not by any means a pacifist but I did hold a certain amount of skepticism towards any political entity that was eager to declare war without certain, harsh, provocations. And then any trend toward liberalism I had within me came to a screeching halt the day I met Alan Colmes.

In the documentary, “Outfoxed,” which is a slam against the Fox News organization crafted by Moveon.org, it suggests that Fox purposely hires “weasely” looking liberals so as to associate weakness and distrustfulness with liberalism. I really don’t believe the folks at Fox have put that much thought into their productions but if it’s true then Colmes certainly fits the bill. But it wasn’t his looks or his presentation that had me in disgust back then. It was and still is to this day his intellectually juvenile arguments. I have seldom seen him make a cogent point that was worth listening to. On most broadcasts he can be heard making these absurd leaps in logic that usually do the progressive argument more harm than good. After a few episodes of this nonsense, I said to myself, “If to be liberal is to be associated with the likes of Alan Colmes then maybe I should rethink my political stance.”

It wasn’t all that simple but that man certainly didn’t help matters. There are days when pontificating about Alan Colmes I dream that he was actually a heroin addict that Rupert Murdoch found in the street and cleaned up for television. At least then I could forgive him for some of the mind numbingly childish things that he’s uttered night after painful night.

For many months after I fled the Green party believing them to be pacifists to point of our own countrywide destruction, I spent many an afternoon drive listening to the Sean Hannity show on NY’s WABC radio. He compliments Alan Colmes very nicely, for he too is an imbecile.

Sean Hannity reminds me of my old clients back in drug and alcohol treatment. Their commonality rests in both parties inability to hold an adult conversation where both sides wait for the other to actually finish speaking. They both also share a rather inflated ego that suggest that they are only interested in what they have to say aren’t even listening to the other party or parties. I can forgive this inability to effectively communicate among recovering drug addicts because do to their notorious lack of social skills but Hannity is supposed to be an educated person. I say supposed to be because after watching his show, reading one of his books (which would have made a better pamphlet) and listening to him on the radio, I believe the jury is still out on his intellectual prowess.

So if you are inclined to watch the political version of Dumb and Dumber or as I like to call it, Politics WWE style, here is what you are in for; an hour of two morons, one less logically inclined than the other, yelling over their guests and reducing any newsworthy debate to that of schoolyard name calling. Hannity’s role appears to be that of pundit bully as he shouts over his opponent, never letting them get a word in edgewise and repeatedly asking them asinine questions that have no worldly or intellectual relevance accept to those who don’t read and possibly still think the world is flat. Hannity is preaching to the masses that defend creationism and intelligent design as if to consider anything else would spell doom for all 2000 plus years of Christianity far and wide. In short, he dumbs down the rhetoric for the dullards that have read his books and though, “Hmm, makes sense.”

And then there’s Colmes. Colmes is like the fat, ugly girlfriend hot chicks pound around the mall with to accentuate their own looks. No matter what nonsense Hannity is spewing, Colmes will be right there to distract you with even greater nonsense, loyal sidekick that he is. He validates every idiotic argument Hannity makes (and I use the term argument oh so loosely) by not even offering the closest proximity to a counter argument. Essentially if Hannity is asking the often-befuddled guest, what is two plus two, Colmes will chime in with, “shoes, the answer is shoes!”

So why do I watch if it is so God-awful? I watch for the guests mostly. For a good long time they frequently booked both Ann Coulter and Charlie Rangel on nearly a weekly basis. Now I must admit, I am a sucker for guilty pleasures. I like my metal heavy, my peanut butter covered in chocolate and political pundits caaaaaaarazy! Five minutes of Ann Coulter or Charlie Rangel is worth sitting through an hour of absolute tripe. In addition, I often work nights and by the time I get home all I want to do is take my pants off, pour myself a nice cold glass of green tea and watch cartoons; so I put on “Hannity and Colmes”.

And for the record, as bad as this show is, it’s still better than the drivel that follows it called, “On the Record w/ Greta Van Susteren.” Even I, a loyal Fox viewer, cannot sit through an entire hour of that woman and her equally annoying analysis.